Free to Be...Put your picture on an Anya Hindmarch bag

So what do you want to be?
A policeman? A fireman? A teacher? A mother?
Or-sigh-have you finally owned up to the fact that you’ll never be anything more than a hopeless, highly consumptive style-obsessed creature?
Whatever to do? Own it! Do something with it! You like to shop. You have a little narcissism thing going on. So check out www.beabag.com, the coolest concept we’ve stumbled upon in some time. You can now choose your own photograph to be transposed onto an Anya Hindmarch bag. And all that “Me! Me, Me!… More! More! More!” energy can go to a good cause. Ten British pounds from each bag sold will be donated to Lavender Trust, benefiting Breast Cancer Care’s services. An additional ?5 goes to the American Relief Fund.
And did we mention that everybody’s doing it? Promoting the service are 100 leading ‘style icons’ (including Manolo Blahnik, Jerry Hall, Jimmy Choo, Kate Winslet, Christian Louboutin, Emma Thompson, Ewan McGregor, Paul Smith…the list is endless). Who knew that such style-endowed creatures, after all these years, really just wanted to be a bag?
So yeah, there are a million ways to be. Here’s one that we think rocks.

Freddy's Back: Fred Perry clothing line

Puma did it.
Adidas did it.
Converse, Stan Smith…need we go on?
We have two words for you: Freddy’s back. As in Fred Perry, maker of those signature tees and the matching track jackets.
Founded by the only Brit ever to win Wimbledon (a record the country can’t be proud of), the Fred Perry line had its heyday in the Carnaby Street years, when it was adopted by Mods. Now the very-very company with the coveted wreath logo has come back around, billing its various lines as “sports authentic,” “modern authentic”, and, we have to admit, our favorite, “pure tennis.” (As opposed to “impure tennis,” which we would never endorse.)
Be the first to bring back contrast piping and signature warmup jackets. At least until the Le Coq Sportif revival hits full-swing.
Available online at fredperry.com.

Love Me Do: Love Handle Cream

You’ve lovingly accepted just about everything about him: the toilet seat up, the clothes strewn about, the cereal bowl in the sink, the absolute refusal to ask for directions…
But there, lurking right below the ribs, above the bum, is the potential deal breaker: the love handles.
Face it. There’s nothing lovable about them. The rocket scientists at Nickel Spa say it’s male cellulite. And because it’s different from the girls’ garden variety in cell structure, the treatment options aren’t the same.
Hence the newest product targeted at battling the bulge. No, it’s not the Abdominizer. It’s Love Handles, a cream that purports to melt the stuff away. (The fine print: in combination with diet and exercise, of course.) The active ingredients are pineapple enzyme, essence of — we’re not making this up — “the carnivorous plant drosera,” and caffeine. There’s also papaya, menthol, and wheat protein thrown in for kicks. Tasty as it all sounds, you apply it, um, topically.
Skeptical? Oh, just a touch. Try it anyway? Absolutely. Just tell him it’s massage cream.
Available online at nickelformen.com; or by phone at 888-642-8289.

Your Pearly Gates: Go Smile Tooth Whiteners

True-confession time: We had a crush. (Who? Us?)
Got the dinner invite. So far, so good.
We had to be bold (Who? Us?) and forgo a first-date-play-it-safe meal like salad and pasta. Bring on the squid cooked in its ink! Three bites later, the victim, er, date, said something funny, and we laughed. Dreamboat looked back in horror. Um, it wasn’t a joke?
A trip to the loo revealed the problem: black teeth. (Guess the red wine and espresso didn’t help.) If only we’d had Go Smile!
Think of it as cover-up or, better yet, Shout laundry wipes for your teeth. Go Smile’s concentrated whitener comes packaged in a chic little vial. You leave it on for fifteen minutes twice a day to get your teeth as white as snow — without the hassle or expense of the dentist. And make sure to keep it handy for quick fixes during dinner emergencies like ours.
And next time … stick to salad.
Never mind about the spinach leaves.
Available online at gosmile.com and at Fred Segal Apothia, 8118 Melrose Avenue, at Crescent Heights (323-651-0239).

Vitamin M (as in Miracle?): B Complex, the Thin Vitamin

Hey, you! Get your face out of that bowl of pasta. How are you going to fit into your new jeans this weekend?
We know, it’s so unfair. Your skinny-minnie friend is hoovering Alfredo across the table, unconcerned about her hips. Is it her metabolism? Or … You have to ask.
“Do you, um, take something?”
Bingo. She does. Her squeaky-clean secret? GNC’s B-Complex 125 with Vitamin C. She swears relief from your fatty slump is available over the counter at the nearest health-food store. Is it legit? We’re on the fence — and suspect this belongs on the hope-in-a-bottle shelf, right next to anti-cellulite cream and the overnight zit zapper. But we can’t deny that B-12 is an energy booster, mood lifter, and metabolic stabilizer. In other words, it won’t hurt. And if it’s the best we can get, we’ll settle for the placebo effect.
Sound like Lucy Ricardo’s pitch for Vitameatavegamin? Bring it on. And pass the pasta. With two brioches and one sesame bagel on the side, please.
For more information and locations of GNC stores nationwide, log on to www.gnc.com. Or purchase online at www.drugstore.com.

Gee, Your Skin Smells Terrific: Body Mints

St. John’s wort lifts moods. Echinacea and vitamin C cure colds. B-12 boosts energy.
Supplement, shmupplement. Want to swallow something impressive? Try a B.O. pill.
Body Mints are the first all-natural, edible deodorant. Developed in Hawaii, the daily purports to “eliminate odors from head to toe,” which means everything from morning breath to smelly feet. How? They contain chlorophyll, an organic stench stopper.
Of course, you aren’t the one stinking up the yoga studio (on that too-fancy Gucci mat). But if someone you know is suffering from a nasty case of garlic breath, you might want to slip them a Body Mint.
Trash the trusty roll-on? Not yet. But how else are you going to get full-body minty freshness?
Body Mints are available at Fred Segal Essentials, 500 Broadway, Santa Monica (310-394-8509). To order, call 866-BODYMINT, or visit bodymint.com.

The Sweet Smell of Excess: Florence Gunnarson Perfume

Hey, slick.
When was the last time you took a proper bath? (Or, pardon us, when was the last time you “drew” yourself a proper bath?)
In Hollywood’s heyday, Zsa Zsa and Eva Gabor used Florence Gunnarson oils by the gallon to scent their swimming pools. (Their scent of choice was the exotic No. 67.) Pools may be in short supply today, but your cozy bathtub is ready and waiting for the Gabor treatment.
Created more than 60 years ago for movie stars, First Ladies, and high-society pals, Florence Gunnarson bath oils are still popular with the rich and famous (Donatella Versace, Charlize Theron, Hugh Jackman). The five original essential-oil based fragrances (No. 67, Wild Fern, White Blossom, Deco No. 23, and Mary Black) can be used as bubble bath, shower gel, or perfume.
A drop is all you need to feel divinely decadent, dahlink.
Available at Barneys New York, 660 Madison Avenue, at 61st Street (212-826-8900). Call (800-337-6870), or buy it online at florencegunnarson.com.

Hey Fat Phobes! Body Fat Measuring Scale

Who the heck is Tanita?
Whoever she is (is she a she?), we’re not sure how much we like her.
Thanks to this Tanita chick, fat neurosis has spawned a new head.
Yes, Tanita’s Body Fat Measuring Scale uses electrical signals to calculate not only weight but body-fat percentage. (Is this getting fun or what?) The memory stores personal data (age, weight averages, if you ever inhaled…) in order to monitor fat levels. And the modern design looks like sleek stereo equipment for your bathroom floor.
So if you’re thinking that your backside is becoming less J. Lo and more Heavy D. — now you can have a scale by which to measure your fear.
What we want to know: This Tanita…Can she say no to a few spoonfuls of New York Super Fudge Chunk before bed?